If you find yourself in Cartagena, chances are you will come across posters advertising the Totumo Mud Volcano. It is kind of a rite of passage in Cartagena. If you come here, you will visit the volcano. So of course, I signed up for a tour, not knowing if it would be fun to take a mud bath with a bunch of strangers or not.
But what could I do? Cartagena's rite of passage, you know? And so I found myself in a minivan with 16 strangers on a sunny Sunday afternoon, ready to join the thousands before me, taking a mud bath in a volcano. Once you get there, though, you quickly realize that this is not really a mud volcano, it is more like an upside-down cone filled with mud.
What to Know Before Visiting Totumo Mud Volcano
There were other things that no one told me before going to the Totumo Mud Volcano, things that I would have been happy to know before going, which is why I'm going to share few of them with you right here:
1. You will get up close and personal with strangers
The Totumo Mud Volcano is actually closer to a mud pit than anything else, but imagine a really, really deep, maybe even bottomless one. If you take a tour to Totumo, as most people do, because it is the cheapest and easiest way from Cartagena, you and 16 other mud enthusiasts will put on their swimsuits and climb up the volcano.
One by one, you will descend into the mud, slowly climbing down a ladder from the top, because the mud is much shallower than the cute little advertising posters around town show. The mud used to come all the way to the top of the volcano, and I am not sure where it all went, but now you have to descend 20-16 feet (6-8 meters) to get into the creamy, smelly mud.
Considering that there are several guys selling bottles of this good old mud at the bottom of the volcano, they may have sold all the mud that filled the volcano, but who knows. However, once you are in the mud, be prepared to be tempted by some Colombian guys who spend all day waiting inside this mud hole, eager to massage guys for a small fee (COP4,000).
One by one, the rest of your group will join you, or maybe you are one of the lucky last ones in line, looking skeptically at everyone floating in the mud, wondering if you really want to get in there.
But as the mud hole fills up, you will quickly make friends with everyone else because you all realize what a ridiculous situation you are in, and the more it fills up, the closer you will get to everyone. I felt several hairy legs, feet, and other body parts as I floated, thinking to myself how strange it was that I wasn't sinking.
Pro Tip: Do not be one of the fools who sticks their whole head in the mud - there's nothing to wipe the mud out of your eyes, and your hands are muddy, too!
2. You might not make it out alive
Once you decide you have had enough, you will try to climb out of the mud, which now that the mud hole is deep enough means relying on a rickety old wooden ladder, which is extremely slippery, thanks to all the mud monsters that have crawled out of there before you.
So hold on to the rails for dear life - literally! The story of how you conquered a mud volcano is a good one, but you have to get out alive to live to tell the tale. When people ask if it is safe to travel to Colombia, I usually tell them that my visit to the Totumo mud volcano was one of the scariest moments of my trip to Colombia.
3. Prepare to be studied and stared at
Interestingly, during my visit, several tour buses stopped. At first I thought, wow, they will take forever to take a mud bath, because the hole won't fit a busload of 48 people, and a minivan loaded with 17 takes a while to get in. But then I realized that they don't come to take a mud bath.
Instead, many climb up to the edge, stare at the others, take pictures, and then climb back down after pointing you out and talking about you to their fellow observers. They are probably thinking, why the hell do these tourists pay so much money to stand in this stinky puddle, ruin their swimsuits in the mud, and have their hair all muddy?
It is especially humiliating when you are the one about to emerge from the mud, looking like a mud monster, and you have a guy grope around for you to get some mud off of you with his hands before you go down to the cleanup area. Yes, cleanup area.
4. Lots of groping!
Even though there is a huge lake near the Totumo mud volcano, you can't just jump in and wash the mud off - it's too shallow, so the business-savvy Colombians who live around here have set up some giant jars near the lake that some guys keep filling with buckets full of the green water they get from the lake.
When you get there, someone will grab you and start washing the mud off you with the help of a small bowl, in which they put the green lake water from the big vase. These people are also not afraid to touch your private parts. They are also not afraid to take off your swimsuits if they feel there is a lot of mud in there. This is when you really get up close and personal with all your new mud friends: you will see a lot more of them than you expected.
5. You will give advice left and right
Once released, you go back to your stuff that is stored in a little closet while you muck around in the mud, and suddenly, everyone who helped you with something, shows up and wants a tip. The guy who held your camera? $1. The lady who washed you? $1. The guy who looked at your shoes? $1. The guy who massaged you? $1 (amazingly cheap massage, by the way!).
It was amazing how everyone who has done something for you finds you again afterwards and makes sure they get paid. In all the tipping craze I even tipped a guy who did nothing but hold his hand out! But he didn't do anything for us, my friend pointed out. Oh.. Well, he just made 50 cents just by holding his hand out.
6. What a smell
When you finally get back in the van, you can enjoy the smell of sulfur for another hour (at least, depending on the traffic in Cartagena) because you think they have cleaned you, but in fact you will still find mud in the most random parts of your body for days (if you are one of the lucky ones whose accommodation in Cartagena has hot water: this is when you will really appreciate it!)
In total, you will spend more time in the van than in the mud, by the way. Our van showed up half an hour late and then took other mud-hungry tourists around town for another hour before finally getting on the road. The drive takes about an hour once you leave town and an hour back.
You will spend about an hour at the Totumo Mud Volcano, including cleaning up, changing, and a quick beer to get rid of the mud taste in your mouth. There are two tours to the volcano each day; one departs in the morning, and one departs in the afternoon.
How much does Totumo cost?
Volcano Tour: COP45,000
Tip for the person who takes your pictures: COP4,000
Tip for the person who washes you: COP4,000
Tip for the person who massages you: COP4,000
Tip for the person who cleans your shoes: COP1,000-2,000
Beer (optional): COP3,000
Uniqueness of the experience: priceless.
Practical information for visiting the Totumo mud volcano
Is there another way to reach the Totumo mud volcano?
Yes, you can take a taxi to the volcano if you do not like crowds. If the time is right (early afternoon would be best, I think, before the afternoon group arrives), you will most likely have the volcano all to yourself.
It is worth it if you are a group of four; expect to pay at least COP200,000 for the taxi, including the ride back to Cartagena and the driver waiting for you while you slosh around in the mud.
Are there different tour companies that offer this tour?
There are a few tour companies that operates this tour if you book it in Cartagena. You can book the trip from most hotels and hostels and your office in the city. Pickup is usually where you book it. The price (COP45,000) includes transportation and a fresh watermelon snack after the mud bath.
The companies have small areas with changing rooms, toilets and showers (do not expect much) right next to the volcano, complete with lockers to store your valuables.
Can you trust a random guide with your camera/phone?
This was my biggest concern, but their system works. Our group's cameraman had thousands of dollars worth of camera gear around his neck and in his fanny pack: all our phones, GoPro, DSLR, and regular cameras. He will take 10-15 photos of you. I took a few more with my camera before we left. You have no choice but to hand over your camera, by the way, if you want to immortalize the image of your muddy self.
What to bring/What not to bring?
Old Clothes
Bring an old dress unless you have the option to wash it the same day. The mud has been quite persistent and I am glad I didn't wear my best dress.
Water and sunscreen
The volcano itself does not offer any shade, so be sure to bring sunscreen and water to stay hydrated. There are a few kiosks and small restaurants along the road around the volcano where you can buy snacks and soft drinks or beers after the experience.
Money
Bring enough cash (and small change) to cover all your tips, but I would not bring too much cash or valuables you do not need (credit cards, jewelry, etc.).
